ZZZ

I swear someone out there has a vengeance against me. I started studying for my Undang rather late because earlier I was trying to plan the Melaka trip. In total, I only slept around two hours because of the Undang, I stayed up to mug. (Please spare me comments on how easy is Undang, no need study also can, unless you're sadistic and wants to rub salt on my wounds).

To my utter dismay, I went to the exam location, sat there for two hours until my patience ran short. Then, I marched up to the receptionist to enquire only to find out that the whole Melaka JPJ system is down, and they can only fix it by around 3pm (earliest). It was around 10am when I asked. 5 hours gap, and they don't bother even telling us a single freaking thing and just expect us to sit there and wait. Screw this. I pity those people that went earlier than me, they will have to wait a total of 7 hours just to take it.

The worst part, they even told me that it's possible that it will never get fix by today. A little information will be nice on your behalf instead of someone had to go right up to you to ask.

Time wasted, energy wasted, health drained. FML.

Off to Port Dickson. (Taking the test another day *sigh*)

Was about to publish this blog post when they just called me and told me it's okay already, and I'm back home. WHAT THE HECK IS THIS? I just only reached ten minutes ago =__=.


This is how dead I'm feeling currently.

Decomposition undertow.

I'm done being a vampire, most probably I lost all the melanin I gained from Redang already. Not locking myself up in the house anymore, so anyone free to hang out? :) I'm feeling very idle, decomposing at home, while rest of my friends seemed really busy with their education. I miss studying actually.

Anyway, catching up with an old friend is really one of the many simple joys of life. And since she said I seldom blog about her, although she's my oldest friend (I don't mean it literally), here's a shout out to Ang Kai Li. The aunty-like friend that finally, FINALLY, has a msn. Congratulations, an achievement really.

I'll be MIA from Melaka for the next two days, taking my Undang test tomorrow and off to Port Dickson for two days =). And then, my group of college friends coming to raid Melaka from Monday to Wednesday, so I'll be pretty much occupied.

Words itself are boring, so here's a picture. My best friend in Redang :)

Hell and back

I promised Beaver I'll blog today, so here I am. Was planning to blog about the BBQ, Midvalley shopping, Prom, OneU gathering, my farewell (that Pixie planned) and especially Redang trip.... but.... I'm just too tired.

And I have a very good reason why! I already repeated the story three times to Mavis, Wei Siong and Esteban but never mind... here is it again.

Today, I woke up at 7am, which is a miracle seeing it's the holidays now, for the dreaded Undang talk. I was thinking it can't be that bad, since everyone was telling me they can just go there and sleep, and no one will even give a damn.

They are all liars..................

Once registered (the overall process took 1 hour for all the students)... I decided to take a seat and before I can even walk anywhere, I was asked to sit directly in front, right in front of the teacher.

And it was very tiring, below are the reasons why.

1. I was holding a pen when he was telling a story on how great he is, I got scolded for holding a pen.

2. I was sleepy once, and before my head can even reached the table, got scolded yet again.

3. He was asking me how to calculate the velocity when two vehicles crashed, so being a science student, I told him the momentum formula, and he said wrong. Instead, he said should use y= mx + c instead................ *too utterly speechless*

4. Those taken before, remember the eyesight test before the talk starts? The test lasted merely two minutes, his explanation on how to do the test, lasted more than an hour. Where's the justice in that?

5. Out of the blue, he suddenly asked me how to make distilled water. So I just told him, in the lab using condensation process... and he burst out laughing.... and asked me go open a factory.

6. The talk lasted 6 hours 30 minutes. 2 hours was on the Undang talk. Rest of the time he used to praise
- how good is he
- how talented is he
- how brave is he
- how knowledgeable he is in Malay culture (he's an Indian)
- his admirable service for army
- the number of high ranking posts he held before
- how well he can speak Bahasa Malaysia although never learn before

7. Scolding us like we're dogs or something. And said we're not focusing, wasting his time... where actually, he spent most of his time praising himself.

8. He enjoys shaking his body very vigorously every few minutes. Eye sore.

So, that sums up why I'm so mentally and physically exhausted.

:)

I know I'm supposed to update, on lots of outings.

However, right not I'm seriously energy depleted. Taking things at a slug-like pace at the moment, a humongous energy debt to repay. Going back to Melaka two days later, better start packing.

Redang honestly had to be the best vacation in my life, even better than that time I went Australia. Maybe it's the company :) and the island is just beyond picturesque.

Next stop: Melaka! Hope most of you can make it :) And we shall go crazy yet again!

Sun, beach and sun!

I'll be going off with my beloved classmates to Redang for 3 days 2 nights :)

Can't wait!

Ah Tai

For my recent absence in the blogsphere is mainly due to my great grandmother passing away. She was 94 when she passed away.

I won't say I'm sad when I heard of the news from my mum, more like, it's finally time.

Years ago, she had a stroke. We seek out opinions from three specialists. All of them gave almost similar advices. "Either she undergoes the surgery or there's no chance she will survive". And I believed that. I remembered my great grandmother will suddenly talk to people that long deceased all to herself. Isn't that a sign usually associated with the time is near?

Most of the relatives were already prepared for a funeral. There's almost no chance for a woman in her 90s to actually have the strength to make it through a brain surgery. And even if she did, why would you want an old lady that lived to such a ripe old age to suffer this tremendous pain? The right choice was to let go. She had lived long enough, through four generations and some would say, a rather fruitful life.

I still remember vividly what happened the night the specialists said she's not going to make it through. I remember crying to my mum, and she just tell me "This is what happens when age catches up".

Shall I call it a miracle? The night that the doctors predicted it's almost impossible for her to make through, she actually did. She managed to make it through a stroke with only her legs paralysed. At this age, this is a miracle. No other words can describe it better.

However, the heavens might had given her another shot in life, but they took away the very entity that defines us as humans. They ripped off most of her precious memories. I remembered visiting her, and she mistaken me for my mum. She couldn't recognise us any longer... us great grandchildren especially.

And she was no longer the great grandmother I knew. The one that always made the best iced Milo. The one that plays like a recorder telling over and over how deeply in love is she with her husband that passed away long before I was even born. The one that called me "Fei Mui", cause when I was born, I was a really heavy baby. The one that tells how the Japanese killed her brother. The one that enjoys watching the lead actress of "Yang Women's Warrior" TVB series with me. The one that always scold me when I steal some food from the kitchen right after my grandmother done cooking it.

All those little habits that I used to define her is gone. Who is she now? I can no longer recognise the woman that helped in raising me up. Though she still has a very defining habit of her that even stroke can't take away. Her complains. She never stop complaining, and I doubt any of us minded that, cause we had liven with that as long as I can imagine.

Just a week ago, was her death. It was a peaceful death. And I don't feel sad, at all. I already grieved for her a few years back, my great grandmother passed away a few years back.

This, I would say just her shell.

Rest well Ah Tai. You can finally be with the husband you loved so dearly. And maybe, you can once again walk on the beach with him.

To my pessimist side,

Please just accept the reality you won't be getting an A for your Maths paper. What you get will be a B, and a broken spirit.

Life is full of disappointments, so why dwell on?

The truth still haven't sink in yet, and my thoughts keep circling on the possibilities there's one tiny inch of hope, but the better word to put it will be delusional.

I feel like surrendering, screwing up the rest of my papers. The fighting spirit had been broken, been reduced into nothing but a lump of false hopes and dreams. Now, at least it's starting to sink in. Finally, the facade of emotionless starting to shed, and there lies disappointment once the dust subsides.

I beg of myself, please just try your best one last time :(

... I feel like calling someone and just cry. *sigh*

... Move on, move on!

I'll just try my best, and give one last shot for Chemistry, though it's a very weak mild shot, but for now, that's the maximum I can push myself to.

Things to do before 10th August.

1. Attend graduation ball :)

2. Bake under the sun at Redang.

3. Sit every roller coaster rides at Genting.

4. Watch Coraline and Up.

5. Get my license to kill.

6. Finish reading the 40 years of X-men comics I downloaded. Volume 13 now, and trying my best to restrain the urge to continue.

7. Catch up and re-read Naruto and Bleach.

8. Get a part-time job.

9. Spend the money I'd been saving since beginning of this year for a Nintendo DS Lite.

10. Get some reading done, around 7-10 books I bought still untouched :(

Sad till the extent I'm happy.

I don't know what to feel anymore. I'm not sad, but I should be. After all the late nights, endless streaming of Pure Maths questions I tore my brain apart to do, it's not enough.

I did horribly for Pure Maths, and the sad part is, I tried my best. I worked like hell for this :(. And, this is finals, there's no way I can reverse what my results will be. And even if time do reverse, I don't think I can do any better, like I said, I gave my all for this.

I feel like resitting A Levels for maths... I want an A so badly for this.... I know I did well for Mechanics, Pure Maths AS and Statistics, so my only beacon of hope left, is for that three papers to make up for .... this. It's still possible I guess, but the chance is almost non-existent.

Like I always say, hard work NEVER pays off.

... I'm going to wallow in my misery by studying Chemistry, what better way to make you feel more miserable than Chemistry?

And just yesterday I was thinking that this will be the last time I'll do Maths, that I'll miss it so badly, that I'll miss integrating, differentiating, product rule and likes of that. It's true in a way, I'll miss the fact on how Maths proved to me that I'm stupid and hard work never cure stupidity. Someone up there obviously hates me, my dreams were raised sky-high, and it dropped.

Picking up the pieces, moving on with life, I'm not devastated, what's wrong with me?

Maybe I should cry. Keeping all the emotions in is rather unhealthy.

Maybe.

[On the other hand, Biology was ... rather good. Can I donate marks from my Biology to Maths?.... ]

And the wind blows.

Stop spreading those rumours and instigating stuffs you do not know about. I'm happy with my life the way it is. Stop deciding for me who I like and such.

Yes, I'm happy being single. And it frustrates me to no end whenever people keeps dropping hints and attempting to pair me up because it's apparently wrong to have a guy friend.

Rumours are harmless to begin with, but after awhile, your harmless fun gets on my very last nerve. It's not funny when I denied vehemently umpteen times, and it's too hard for any of you to just digest the information and let me live my life.