Pent-up frustrations

I just spent more than an hour wrestling with my stupid printer so that I can skimp on the printer ink, by editing the PDF file to reduce the amount of printing by a total of 40 slides. And, as usual, I'm way behind my studies as well! Already into the ninth week of semester 4, and I just only started studying the first week today, so I'm inside the rice cooker once again.

At this point, I'm starting to fill up with more self-loathing on my under achievements in life. I no longer excel in anything I do, I'm introverted and have the stamina of a jellyfish. Studies used to be my only strength, something I used to be immensely proud of, but now reduced to nothing but a dilapidated stage of mere average. I have no drive to push myself to study, so I have no one to blame but myself, as procrastinate just continue to gnaw deeper into me, which will permanently be embedded.

Not counting the fact, I'd been quite depressed, or a more apt word, disappointed with how people are turning out in my life. It comes to a stage in life where the number of friends I can turn to in my time of need have reduced to nothing more than what my right hand can count. And at times, I feel quite pretentious in greeting people I despise, for the sake of not making any enemies. Who needs enemies when all my friends are turning into strangers one at a time?

I am feeling very let down by many people in my life, some I still need time till now to adjust to. And thanks to the latest addition, I never expect you to let me down, but you did. And it' stupid of me to cry over some trivial issues, but being ditched by a friend really gets to me, as I'm very emotional by nature as well. I'm really disappointed in you, and I misjudged you as my close friend.

It's been so long since I blog like this, but this reminded me back when this blog just started. That time, I always enjoyed typing long-winded post like this cause no one can judge me, as it's my prerogative for self-expression at my own platform.

Anyway, done with the tears, and done with the sporadic ramblings, the blog never fails to make me feel better each time after every word churn!

P/S: And thanks to you, for never fail in cheering me up :)